5 Beliefs of a HOPELESS ROMANTIC that are Keeping You ALONE
Maybe you would most adamantly declare that you have outgrown fairytales. But are you a fan of the chick flick/romantic comedy? Did you near cry tears for Brigit Jones over Daniel and root for her and Mark Darcy? Cringe at some of Kate Hudson’s antics with Matthew McConaughey in “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days,” because Lord knows you did actually did lose a couple that way?
Same formula, basically. Right? Girl has dreams. Dreams that include Boy, even if she won’t openly admit it. Girl and Boy get together. Briefly …because misunderstanding occurs. Thereby, hilarity ensues. Until tears are shed. One party eventually dares to “(wo)man up,” so everything is straightened out. Girl and (whichever) Boy (turned out to be “the one”) kiss and ride off into the sunset together.
So, why hasn’t that formula worked out for you? These 5 romantic notions might be getting in your way…
1. Finding “The One” will complete you
Really? One…? Out of the earth’s population of 7+ billion people. No wonder it feels like a needle in a haystack to find him. But no one person is going to be everything to you. And that’s okay. Besides, that’s a lot – a whole lot – of pressure to put on one person, with your expectations.
And are you only half or part of a person, to begin with?
2. A Happy Ending means a Fairy-Tale Ending
How many people would say that a Happy Endings means the perfect couple in the perfect house with the perfect picket fence and an average one-point-whatever kids? But Happy Endings are not one-size-fits-all. You get to define it however you want, by whatever makes you happy. Whatever that is for you.
3. Ordering up Prince Charming from your List
How often have you gotten the advice to take out your clean sheet of paper and built out your dream guy on it? So, he’s tall – 6’ or more, because the more detail, the better, right? – dark and handsome, good hair – or bald with the goatee, – loves sushi and burgers. Family oriented and loves his Mom – but is not a Momma’s boy. Has a particular kind of job, loves to travel and is fun and funny. Of course, emotionally available and secure and stable and established and ambitious and honest and faithful and sensitive and… and… and…
What if the person that actually contributes to your happiness and treats you like gold doesn’t tick off all the boxes? Because it’s not like Build-a-Bear. What are your absolute deal-breakers, and what are the would-be-nice-to-have’s? Are you open to whatever the package the deeper stuff comes in?
4. The Honeymoon Phase
Ahh, the new relationship. …just like that new car smell. The fun and anticipation and sense of adventure and discovery while you get to know somebody. When you’re both on your best behavior. And, oh, the delicious, exquisite sexual tension.
But is it really about them? Or…
Are you even more in love
with the idea of being in love?
5. You can, should or need to save someone
Everyone has problems. But say that the people you are partnering up with have these seemingly huge, rather dramatic problems they can’t or don’t seem to be able to handle. Maybe they’re even dealing with some kind of addiction. However well-intended, it is simply not your place or your job to fix their life for them. Maybe you think, if they loved you enough, they’d want to change. For the sake of the relationship. For you.
Are you addicted to the drama?
People only change because they make the decision to change. You cannot fix them. You can only love them.
And that doesn’t mean you have to love them from up close, when it’s not in your own best interests. Your strong sense of loyalty can tend to bite you in the arse, when you forget to be loyal to yourself, too.
Bottom Line:
Math and science are about formulas. This is about your life. You – and only you – get to decide what is right for you. It is not selfish to make choices that good and right for you, that make you happy.
Isn’t it time you got real with you and started making up with yourself already? Join me in a short video series to get you started. CLICK HERE FOR IMMEDIATE ACCESS to this gift, from me to you.
-Patricia