3 Ways to Be THAT Woman
So, since the breakup, you’ve still been feeling kind of… well, off. You are doing so much better, though. Not wasting a lot of time or energy thinking about him. But you’re getting restless. Feeling ready to move on with things. But you also know you want things to be different now.
And you always seem to notice that woman or that friend that appears to have it so together. You can’t help but wish you were more like her. More… more… more what? Confident? Strong? Assertive? Badass? What is that “what” for you?
And how can you Be THAT Woman now?
1. Get clear about what you want and what you value
Maybe one of your greatest lessons from relationships past is that you feel you absolutely know what you don’t want. Okay. That’s a good place to start. But what do you want? Your hopes and dreams and ambitions and aspirations for yourself. Don’t just assume it’s the opposite of what you don’t want. Actually do your best to spell it out.
And also get clear on what’s important to you. The stuff that you’re not willing to compromise on or settle for anymore. The stuff that you’re ready to stand up and speak up for. Dare I say, to fight for.
Knowing what you want
and what you value will help
you establish clear boundaries
2. Stop should-ing on yourself
I’m sure you’ve heard it a thousands times before, but seriously… STOP! IT!
Why should you do something? Anything? Who says?
Probably, fundamentally, because you tend to be a people-pleaser.
Recipe for disaster: (i.e. living your life for somebody else)
- One cuppa you don’t want to disappoint someone and their expectations of you
- Another cuppa you want to avoid conflict. You have that nice/good girl reputation to uphold, after all.
- And a big ol’ dose of you’d feel guilty if you said “no.”
(really NOT so) good: “I should…”
better: “I want…”
best: “I will…”
3. Identify your role-models
If you can put names and faces to women you admire… great. Even more specifically, what is it about them?
Okay, maybe you want your hair cut or balayaged ike some celebrity or you think dressing in a certain way will help you feel more confident. But go deeper. What is it about how they carry themselves? The way they could care less about what other people think? How they know their voice is important and they know just what to say, and how, and when? (As opposed to that perfect comeback that finally occurs to you three days later). Their intelligence or their grace under pressure? Their strength and resilience?
I personally have never been much of a fan of the old “fake it ‘til you make it.” I get the concept in theory, but anything “fake”-ish pushes my buttons still. …except for false eyelashes, but which I have never been able to master anyway.
Anyway… the top adjectives to describe the women I admire most would definitely include “real.” Dare I throw out that word that I think was once described as one of the most recently overused… but “authentic.”
So here’s the good news. That list of the top adjectives you used to describe the role models you love and admire… YOU ALREADY ARE all those things. If you can see it in someone else, then you are it, too. …in case you wanna stress that you’d be faking it. (And didn’t not being your real self get you in a pickle in the first place, if you changed yourself to make you more lovable to a certain someone?) You just have to – YOU GET TO – drop all that other shit that dulls your shine.
One final word of caution: Just because you strive to be more… don’t you dare for one second believe that you are not enough right here right now exactly as you are.
YOU ARE ENOUGH