7 Practices to Pull Yourself Outta Your Pity Party
Can you tell…? I’m a big fan of alliteration. It amuses me. And things got a little heavy around here the last week or so, so I’ll take whatever amusement I can get. Thank you very much.
You know those days… when pretty much just about everything feels like it pushes your buttons. You’re just so freakin’ annoyed by everyone and everything, you can barely even stand yourself.
You wanna blame it on PMS or hormones, legit or not. (Come on… who hasn’t been there?) Monday has been and gone several days ago, so that’s not such a great excuse. The peanut butter jar is long, long empty, and you’ve pretty much eaten your way through the rest of the fridge, freezer and pantry. (Even when you know better, that that only piles on a whole lot of other issues, like a cherry on top. Mmm… cherries…) You’ve visited the liquor cabinet. More than once. And the mall. You’re already out of new “Orange is the New Black” episodes to escape in.
So, you finally admit it: You’re in the depths of a massive pity party.
What do you wanna do about it?
What are you gonna do about it?
Here are 7 Great Ways to put an end to that Pity Party
1. Acknowledge your feelings and accept yourself where you’re at
However you might be feeling – sad, left behind, impatient, frustrated, angry – um… downright bitchy – it’s okay. Don’t make things worse for yourself by going into shame mode and making yourself wrong for your feelings.
Give yourself permission to be where you’re at, even if you think it’s not so pretty.
And feelings are feelings. Temporary emotions. Don’t turn ‘em into more permanent labels.
2. Cut yourself some slack
As much as you might wonder if or why you’re being tested, this really is an opportunity. It is the exact best time to be kind and patient with yourself. Sure, it’s easy, when things are going your way. But this is where the “practice makes permanent” we learned at puppy class really kicks in.
Give yourself a break.
Pay attention to your negative self-talk. If you can’t turn it into something positive in that moment, at least tell yourself to CUT. IT. OUT.
3. Practice patience
More Ps. <smile>
Pot… look who’s calling the kettle black.
I know this is one place I personally need to practice what I preach. Patience is just not my virtue. One of my all-time favourite memes in my Facebook feed was “why can’t hurry-the-fuck-up be a virtue?” Right??
I’ve also seen patience simply defined once as having a good attitude while you’re waiting. Is that something you can grab on to, too? Since your attitude is something you yourself can reframe.
Try looking at what’s going on
through a different pair of glasses
(Ironically… I’m curious. How long have you waited to meet “The One”? Sounds like an example of patience to me. Just sayin’.)
4. Turn it into a Party for Two
No need to invite your whole contact list, but if you’re presently hosting this pity party for one, hiding in your own head — in shame of your thoughts and feelings — is only going to perpetuate a vicious cycle.
Especially if you’re an external processor, who deals with things best by talking them through with someone else. Find a trusted, dear friend (or coach) that you can talk to. That gem of a human being who is so wise and a kind, non-judgemental listener, who helps you explore possibilities… but also lets you find your own answers.
5. Get out(side)
But if the caretaker in you would be loathe to burden anyone with your deep, dark thoughts…
I don’t know… Sunshine. A cleansing rain. A good, crisp breeze. Fresh fluffy snow. Isn’t it all therapeutic in its own way?
Like chopping wood. (Yes, I have, actually.) A simple walk. The hum and buzz of the mall or the gym. Even an event, to dress up and show up for. Football game, anyone?
Change your environment. Change the energy you’re surrounding yourself in.
Get out of your own head
6. Stop comparing yourself
Are you familiar with the saying “comparison is the thief of joy”? Now, “joy” is not a word you’re gonna hear me personally throwing around willy-nilly. I guess I put it on a pretty tall pedestal.
But they also say that when you compare yourself to someone else, it’s often your behind-the-scenes footage you’re trying to stack up to their highlight reel. In your present state of mind, likely including your stuff that you think needs to hit the cutting room floor. What’s fair about that?
Either way, really sounds like you’d be so much better-off just not… Don’t you think?
Or is it just another way for you to beat yourself up? How about you stop being an asshole to yourself.
(Notice: “Asshole” seems to be one word I have no problem throwing around, doesn’t it?)
7. Be grateful
Feeling gratitude can’t co-exist with comparing yourself to others, if you ask me. Looking at what someone else has… that you don’t have.. that maybe you want.,, or think you should want.,, or should be, do or have. Maybe you even feel jealous, and that leads to more shame, which feeds the pity party…
Don’t be that asshole that takes what you have for granted. It’s okay to want more and/or different, but in that, don’t lose sight of where you actually are and what you already have.
What are you grateful for?
Can you pinpoint what’s at the root of your pity party? Maybe you’ve been feeling tired and frustrated and impatient. Stuck. If you’ve been measuring your success by progress even in terms of baby steps, maybe momentarily even standing still feels more like a full-on backslide.
Really… you can even measure a backslide as progress… success… by how quickly you recognize you’ve returned to some of your self-defeating ways and choose to take steps to get yourself back to where you want to be.
No one – I repeat, NO ONE – gets somewhere in a straight line. You’re gonna zig and zag and hit the highs and the lows at some point. Everybody does. It’s part of being human.
Just remember how far you really have come.
Okay, you… aren’t you done playing victim and you’re ready to pull up your big girl panties? Come join the be THAT woman support community. If it’s a pity party you’re having… we’re there to hear and acknowledge you, if that’s what you need. If you wanna celebrate how far you’ve come, we’re down for that, too.