Seriously now… you really could stand to toot your horn more often, you know.
You are freaking smart.
And — very often — downright sassy.
You’re decently educated, boast a sizable personal library of books covering diverse topics that have survived the inevitable downsizing that comes with moving house, and even possess your fair share of street smarts on top of practical, basic common sense. And when you don’t know what you don’t know… well, there’s always the handy Google, yes?
So, when someone asks you a question, you are more than capable of giving a thoughtful and considered answer. With probably just a few flowery adjectives — or at the very least, your newest favorite word — a quick story or an only slightly raunchy joke woven in for good measure to really drive your point home.
discombobulated… – Patty’s personal all-time favorite verb
But at the very foundation of it, is it the “right” answer? Or at least, what you believe to be the “right” answer.
Is it your answer?
Are they always one and the same? Or perhaps leaning towards something more mutually exclusive?
And so what happens when someone asks for your opinion on something? Something as, really, inane or at least totally inconsequential as where do you want to go for dinner?
Do you… again… mostly down to habit… give the “right” answer? What you believe to be the right answer?
But is it truly your answer?
Exactly how often are you censoring yourself? Taking the familiar or safe road? Choosing a compromise right off the bat?
How often are you telling everyone what you believe they want to hear?
So, incidentally, how is that throat chakra of yours? If you’re constantly choking down your wants and needs in the process? Are you constantly trying to swallow around a ball of words that a good girl must leave unspoken?
So that, alternatively, with ever-increasing frequency, you’ve deemed it just somehow easier to come back with “I don’t know.”
“Easier” except for the anger and resentment you inevitably go on to feel. Often directed at – or, probably more accurately, projected on to the person who asked said question in the first place? But, if you’re 100% honest with yourself, really lands squarely back on you. Because you didn’t speak up for yourself. For what you believe. For what you want. For what you need.
It’s human to need. It does not make you needy. – Patty
Because those words that eventually spilled off your lips were somehow just out of alignment with who you really are.
Major dilemma: What happens when your opinion goes against the grain? Are you willing to speak up? To stand out? When you just might have fought and clawed and struggled your way for most of your life actually trying to fit in?
Or when is giving the right answer your go-to defense mechanism? Fuelled by shame that someone might find out what you’ve really been thinking? Or… even worse… feeling? Especially when it feels like nearly everybody around you has totally transformed their mindset AND overcome their limiting beliefs AND are all about the positive affirmations and babies and rainbows and unicorns… and seemingly left you in the dust in the process.
How dare you admit you’re feeling overwhelmed… frustrated… scared… and especially angry?
“I’m no longer following my heart.
That bitch gives bad directions.” – unknown
When you’ve followed your heart in the past and things then totally went for shit… did you make an almost unconscious decision to strictly operate from a place of logic? Does the perfectionist in you, with her emotions always in check, with the right answer now win the day?
How does that make you feel about yourself, though? To deny what you really believe and how you truly feel in the moment?
Some people will tell you to act your way into a feeling. But when are you really just shoving that uncomfortable feeling aside, stuffing down the words that need to be said and sticking your head in the sand? How is that getting you more of what you say you want most in your life?
And I’m not going to lie to you. I have yet to fully master the art of witty repartee before coffee. But it certainly always helps when you just don’t take yourself so seriously.
It takes courage to find and use your voice. To speak your truth. But I promise you… you’ll start to like yourself a whole lot more for doing so.