As originally published by simply… woman! online magazine August 15th, 2016
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You think that having it all somehow includes being “perfect,” don’t you? That your happiness and having your happily-ever-after depends on your discipline and commitment to being a perfectionist. Including your ability to bring about and control certain conditions and circumstances until your life is perfect. Until you are perfect.
How has your near obsession with being a perfectionist actually held you back and pretty much screwed up that plan?
Hey there, Ms. Perfectionist… Yep, I’m talkin’ to you.
It’s certainly a worthy goal to want to be your best self. To dump all the “you should…”s that people have lobbed (unsolicited) at you over the years as you’ve longed and struggled to make your own way. To peel back the layers of your onion, as they say, and to be THAT woman that you feel deep down you were always really meant to be.
I suspect you might likely wanna come back at me and argue that nowhere in the descriptors of THAT woman for you does actually appear the word “perfect.” But come on now… get real with me. And with yourself. You’re a smart cookie. You’ve probably been super subtle about it.
What if I told you the woman who says “screw it” to being perfect in these 7 ways is happier?
1. She doesn’t feel stuck
If you don’t like where you are because it’s not the perfect place… well, you’re not a tree, with roots. Right? MOVE!
Which very well might involve getting out of your comfort zone.
What if you weren’t so afraid to make a mistake?
When you accept that mistakes are all part of the learning process, you won’t be so likely to talk yourself out of trying new things or stop yourself from taking a risk or even any action at all, because you might not be remotely good at it right off the bat. You don’t let perfectionism paralyze you.
“When you know better, do better”
– Maya Angelou
2. She gives herself credit for how far she’s come
If you think you’re the humble sort and it’d be egotistical of you to toot your own horn… Well… Screw. That. Noise. Because that’s what it is. Noise.
(Could humble and perfect ever co-exist, anyway…? I’d argue you might just be spinning your wheels on that one.)
You are allowed to be proud of yourself for what you’ve done and accomplished, the changes you have made and exactly how far you’ve come.
You’re even allowed to say so.
3. She celebrates where she is
And when you’re assessing just how far you have come… and because I know you… HEY! Stop. Right. There.
(Are you singing Meatloaf now, too?)
That wasn’t an invitation to carry on with a “yeah, but…” without even so much as taking a freakin’ breath.
Don’t be an asshole to yourself. Even if you’re not where you think you ultimately want to be, linger in the moment and relish it. Be grateful for what you’ve learned and where you are now.
4. She doesn’t take everything so personally
When you do make a mistake — and you’re gonna. Guaranteed. — it’s something you did. It’s an action you took, that didn’t have the consequence or result you either intended or wanted. For probably a variety of reasons.
Don’t project it onto yourself. You make a mistake. You yourself are not a mistake. Stop wearing that kind of negativity or labels on your heart and soul.
Let it go.
(…and… now we’re both singing “Frozen.” Whether you have kids or not.)
5. She doesn’t take herself too seriously
When you’re able to laugh at yourself, you give yourself permission and even more room to learn and grow.
I’d actually be curious to know exactly what percentage of online dating profiles include the words “loves to laugh.” I think it’d be safe to measure it by the shitload. And if you’ve ever parlayed into that world, I’m gonna hedge my bets that it was in yours, too.
Doesn’t laughter just feel lighter? And better?
6. She is willing to stand out
…where she used to fight to fit in.
If we were all the same, by your “perfect” definition, how boring would that be? What if you were willing to shed those layers you’ve been hiding under and just be your different, quirky, unique self? Just imagine how interesting and fun and cool and utterly awesome that would be…
Live and let live
But it might also mean you get seen more than you’ve been used to or think you’re comfortable with. Are you willing to be okay with that?
It doesn’t mean you need to take centre-stage all the time, but are you ready to at least take your turn when the Universe presents it to you?
7. She forgives herself
For not being perfect.
For ever expecting herself to be in the first place.
For dulling her own sparkle and shine.
Screw being perfect. Because what is perfect, anyway? Who gets to say? It’s totally subjective and ever-changing.
Even probably undesirable, if you believe that you either keep growing or you pretty much start to die.
“Grow always. Grow all ways.”
-that old milk commercial
Totally unattainable. Especially if you keep moving the goalposts. Thereby, not to mention feeding your belief that you aren’t enough exactly as you are, if you always need to be something more.
Personally, one of the highest compliments someone could ever pay me now would include being real, quirky, unique. Even odd.
And btw… I think you’re just the right amount of odd. 😉
For the sake of argument… you thought you’d finally be happy when you were perfect. What if things become damn near perfect when you’re happy?
Are you anxious to be your real self, with a bunch of other different, kinda odd, unique women celebrating just how different, kinda odd and unique they are? Join the be THAT woman support community on Facebook for a place to just let it all hang out.